A few of you may remember me; most of you will not. I was a fairly active member of this community about a year ago, under the username obsessed_nicky. I left after making the decision that my severe bulimia and rampant alcoholism had made my life beyond unmanageable (you know something has to change when involuntary trips to the psych ward are becoming a weekly event) and I needed to enter some sort of intensive treatment (again). My solution was to shell out my life savings and head to a rehab facility five hours away from where I lived, where I stayed for thirty five days. 
     
Rehab was wonderful: I was introduced to dozens of inspiring and brilliant people, gained invaluable insight into my own personality and life thus far, and, most importantly, did not binge, purge, or drink for 35 days. I began exercising (moderately) again, treated my body like the temple it is, and experienced moments of pure, unadulterated joy. Essentially, I started coming back to life. The problem with re-discovering your humanity of course, is that along with every positive emotion you experience, you're forced to deal with the negative ones that accompany them. Not being able to numb myself with substances forced me to address years worth of supressed pain, and frankly I couldn't deal with it. Soon after leaving, I relapsed. Hard. 
    
Since then, I've resumed -and perpetuated- my hundreds of dollars a week binging habit and am essentially in a state of perma-drunkenness (and when I'm not drunk I'm too hungover to move). Recently, my boyfriend, who has always been my biggest advocate in terms of sobriety and health, have started getting loaded together: he wrestles with plenty of his own demons, and while I thoroughly enjoy getting a bottle and letting the world melt away for a few hours, the fact that we do this is basically an admittance of defeat. 
     
Anyways, those of you who remember me probably recall that my posts tend to turn into essays, but hey noones holding a gun to your head, right? Oh and I live in Vancouver if anyone's interested; I've been reading about these proposed 'meet-ups' or whatever and I think it'd be a lot of fun.

 put a face to the name:

my graduation last june:
<a href="http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i63/adidas_wop/?action=view&current=grad07215.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i63/adidas_wop/grad07215.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

more recent, springsteen concert (which was amazing by the way)
<a href="http://s69.photobucket.com/albums/i63/adidas_wop/?action=view&current=HPIM0122.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i63/adidas_wop/HPIM0122.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>